Splitting Hairs
by ObsidianMist
Summary: A fate too horrible to be true...Zechs has the frizzies?!?!


Title: Splitting Hairs  
  
Author: Obsidian Mist  
  
Archived: Just on Fanfiction.Net if anyone wants, just let me know.  
  
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing, Aveda, Philosophy, Paul Mitchell, and Vidal Sassoon are not mine. If you thought they were, I have a great bridge in New York to sell you.  
  
Warnings: Don't think there are any.  
  
Author's Note: Ok, what is it with me and Zech's hair? This is the third story to feature his quest for the perfect hair accoutrements. You all must review to let me know if I should let the madness continue or if I should stop starring at the guy's hair. Hope you like.  
  
1 Splitting Hairs  
  
It only figured that on the day he was going to serve as ambassador of the Sanc Kingdom, Zechs Marquise now to be called Millardo Peacecraft, would run out of his no more frizzies gel. Growling at both the empty bottle and the space station that made his hair especially gnarled, the once Lightning Count decided that this was unacceptable. Throwing on some casual clothes he left his hotel room.  
  
"What do you have for hair care products?" He inquired of the graying woman who ran the gift shop.  
  
"Well…let's see I think we might have some travel size shampoos."  
  
"No, I mean styling aids."  
  
"Umm…Aquanet. Yes, that's all we've got. You know, most people just use the free ones that come with the room."  
  
"Yes, well most people don't have hair as nice as mine." The short clerk couldn't argue on that point. "It is lovely, sir."  
  
The compliment puffed up his chest as he feigned modesty. "Oh, why thank you." Perhaps this woman wasn't as clueless as he initially thought.  
  
"Where do you get it colored?" The woman asked, reasoning that she certainly could stand to get a dye job.  
  
"Colored?!" He shouted. "My glorious hair isn't colored!" Sheesh, thought the saleslady, if he wants to lie about it fine. But he doesn't need to yell at me.  
  
"Right, sir. I apologize. Is there anything else I can help you with?"  
  
"Where is the nearest Aveda or Philosophy store?"  
  
"Gosh, beats me. There's a 7-11 down the strip a bit. I'm sure they'd have what you need." Apparently, that wasn't the right thing to say.  
  
"And now," he peered at her nametag, "Rhoda, I can no longer be your friend." With a flip of his hair he departed to meet with Lady Une.  
  
"I do so hope that we can help to bring a stable peace both to Earth and to the colonies." Lady Une remarked to the blond bishounen some time later.  
  
"Yeah, blah blah blah. Look, what really matters right now is getting my hair care products."  
  
"Oh," the young woman blinked a few times in surprise. "But Mr. Peacecraft we must discuss a cease fire agreement."  
  
"We can do that later. Tell me, do you have any idea of where a Paul Mitchell Salon might be?"  
  
"I'm afraid I don't." Her voice sounded a little lower. "After our talks, I'm sure one of the officers would be glad to escort you. Now, my thoughts are that any peace negotiations should be held as soon as possible to prevent any further needless destruction."  
  
"Whatever, look my hair needs immediate attention." The Lady was starting to get a migraine, perhaps her glasses would help. "Please," she struggled to keep her voice friendly, "let's forget about that for now. Other representatives of the UESA, OZ, and the colonies should be here anytime."  
  
"They're all a bunch of losers." Millardo sneered starting to see red, couldn't this idiot understand the true dilemma that he was facing? He swore that with every passing minute, his beautiful, fine, silky hair was getting more frizzies.  
  
Okay just reach into your purse, pull out the glasses case. Check, now open it…check. Just another few seconds…there. The Lady let out a sigh of relief as her headache disappeared. Hey, wait a second…that's Zechs Marquise! Damn him and his lack of good sense and clever disguises.  
  
"…now I feel I'm being perfectly reasonable in asking that you delay the meeting until I can get my hair care products. And the only ones who might disagree with this course of action are either bald or jealous." He stuck a pose for no apparent reason, yet none seem to mind.  
  
Oh, this man dares to abandon OZ and Col. Treize to be representative of a dinky country?! I'd bet five Aries that he isn't get nearly as good a 401(k) from Sanc. Heck, I bet he even has to pay for his own prescription drugs! The brunette almost shuddered at the thought of having to pay for her pretty, pretty pills. That man never showed the proper respect to Treize-Sama, and he always canceled his missions so he could get his hair done. OZ is better off without him, but what if… Une's military mind raced. He had had clearance to top classified documents and he might sell those secrets to the United Earth Sphere Alliance, the defiant colonies, or even the rebellious Gundam pilots. No, she could not allow that.  
  
"…I mean you can't just wash my hair with normal shampoo, that would be asking for disaster." Millardo hadn't realized that the demure, serene Lady Une had transformed into angry, determined Lieutenant. Col. Une since he was too busy checking and rechecking the state of his follicles.  
  
"Lady Une, how does your organization plan to bring unity into outer space?" Queried a representative from L4. "A fine question indeed. I can guarantee that both the Earth and the colonies will be united…" Cue dramatic piano chord. "Under the power of OZ!" Nervous reps backed away from her and started talking amongst themselves.  
  
"I don't remember this being on the agenda." Said one.  
  
"Ditto for it being mentioned in the brochure." A man added.  
  
"And only tuna fish for lunch!" Exclaimed another.  
  
"I thought we were to discuss removing trade embargos."  
  
"I was told this meeting would be the stepping stone on the path to peace."  
  
"And no chips! Not even soda! This is hell!"  
  
"Silence!" Screamed the Colonel in a tone of voice that told the assembly that if they dared to refuse, she would use them for target practice, after throwing them out of a shuttle bay. "Good, now gentlemen allow me to present a special guest to you, Zechs Marquise!" Gasps and whistles of amazement claimed the room. Millardo realized belatedly that his cover had been blown and even worse, he probably wasn't going to be able to procure his hair care products.  
  
"Oh my goodness!" Exclaimed one man. "Even though he is of the exact same height, build, and has an identical voice and that one of a kind long platinum blond hair, I never would have suspected Millardo Peacecraft to be Zechs Marquise."  
  
Hmm. Pondered the knight of the Sanc Kingdom. Mayhap I should have changed my cologne to fool them. It might be in my best interest to get the heck out of here. Besides this air conditioning is causing havoc on my hair. He turned and ran full tilt out of the building almost completely unseen save for one person, Lady Une. She was about to order his detainment, but one of the reps jostled her so hard that her glasses were dislodged.  
  
"Oh no! I'm, I'm soo soo sorry. Please don't hurt me!" The Lady regarded him with mild shock. "Why, Mr. Andrews, I'd never threaten or harm you. I would never hurt anyone! It is my sole purpose to see an end to this horrid war." With that, the meeting resumed sans the Sanc Kingdom ambassador.  
  
After putting enough distance between himself and psycho Une, Millardo fortuitously found himself in front of the Green House Mall. Ten minutes later, he was sitting in the waiting room of Paul Mitchell's. A tall skinny man wearing bifocals with white hair down to his shoulder was his assigned stylist. "Please," the slight man insisted, "call me Quinze. Ouch, I see we have an acute case of follicle frizzieitist here." Millardo gasped dramatically, "you gotta tell me, how bad is it?"  
  
"Well, your going to lose a number of strands to split ends."  
  
"No! Why me? Why is this happening to me?"  
  
"Calm down sir, I think that I may have a treatment that will cure you."  
  
"Well, what are you standing there for? For god sakes, get some conditioner man!"  
  
"I'm afraid the affliction has gone too deep for any conditioner to be effective. I recommend an extensive barrage of balms. Unfortunately, the price is rather high."  
  
"I don't care! Just make me beautiful again."  
  
"You're positive about this?"  
  
"Yes!! I'll give you anything you want, just make it better." Quinze smiled like a Cheshire cat. "Well, Zechs Marquise welcome to the White Fang. I'm sure you'll prove to be a righteous leader."  
  
"Aw man, you'd think I'd have learned something from the first time this happened. I just never though Vidal Sassoon would make me an Ozzie in exchange for a good cut."  
  
"Thems the breaks kid."  
  
"Bummer."  
  
Well…what did you think? Review! Review! Review! I need the feedback to determine what if anything I should write next.  
  
Obsidian Mist signing off 


End file.
